Hi

I still remember you. How can I not? You were my first love.

Remember the times when blogging meant you you tell the whole world (or rather your friends who religiously visit your blog on a daily basis) what you did for the whole day?! Or what you did for the past few days. The stupid funny shits that happened between you and your friends, plus random pixelated photos/mirror selfies.

Annoying but fun-to-do "tag your friends" quizzes.
Chatbox by your blog.
Talking to your friends on your post like it's your chatbox.
Leaving secret messages (on a public platform LOL).
Posting one whole song's lyrics as a blog post and writing a personal emo/happy message at the end.

Oh my god, those were the days. Now blogging has died off. Wonder what will happen if people started blogging like that again.

What IF I started blogging like that again??

2016-2017

For the most part of my teen-early adult life I have been giving. Giving of my time, my resources, my help, my emotions to others. Serving, or just being there for them. Almost always staying strong, being myself, optimistic, cheerful, playful despite some of the things I may go through. I'm pretty happy-go-lucky, I'm not petty about things, I don't bear grudges easily. I forgive and forget easily, I try to be the most understanding. I'm a conflict-avoider (unless I've been wronged) so I'd rather bear the brunt an emotional outpour than to point out faults in thought-flow in said outpour. (because well, most people don't say the best things when they are emotional right?)

But.

It sucks that sometimes people forget that you're just human, you're just a girl, you're just someone with feelings. It sucks that sometimes people just assume that you can tank it all and don't bother to be sensitive. It sucks that sometimes people can just leave you like you don't mean anything.

Once in awhile though it gets too tough and I stop. I stop trying. I stop being. And I give myself some space and time to rest, recover and get back up again.

Sometimes I forget that I have amazing people around me who would give, invest and just be there for me. A kind word, a squeeze of my hand, a request for a hug, giving of a hug, a look, a smile, a conversation, a text, an invite to hang out, a joke, a gift, a treat, a card, a car ride, a yes. It's times like this that I really feel like I haven't been living for nothing; that all those years of me being me has actually impacted others. I am thankful for these people. 2016/17 has been the year that I've said the most thanks to God for the friends that I have.

2016 transiting into 2017 hasn't been the best. The first half of 2016 was so so good. I guess God is kind of fair then - half good, half not so good. I did learn a lot though, despite the latter half being a shitty half for me. I learnt that being wise is always better than following your emotions. I learnt not to settle for anything less than what I deserve. I learnt that it isn't that bad to fail and get back up again. I learnt to put down my pride and build relationships. I learnt to love.

Thank you friends and family that has been with me this past few months. Sometimes, your presence is more than enough. Thank you God for teaching me and bringing me through.

Here's to another year of learning and growing, to be humble, to continue to love, to be courageous, to be wise, to be gracious, to be generous, to be prayerful and to honour.

And I've come full circle in a matter of a few months.

I'm sorry parents, I'm sorry friends. I'll get my act together again.

In life there are some things that you should hold onto and never let go. 

 

Then there are some things that you shouldn't have allowed into your life in the first place, so you cut it off. 

Finally, there are some things that you held onto but should have let it go a long time ago. 

I've finally let it go. A revelation just came to me out of the blue and I saw it as clear as day. There was no point in investing so much thought and time when I wasn't going anywhere. 

In time, you may revisit my life again or you may not. 

But for now, goodbye..

I walk into acceptance 

So tired guiz
y am i always so affected by my fam?

Also thinking about so many shits in my life. 

Relationships - should I move on?

Responsibilities - am I taking on too much?

Expectations - said and unsaid 

Wants vs Needs - I'd rather eat home than eat out

What do I want in life - LIFE'S BIGGEST QN 

I wanna go Aus and work in a cafe... Bye world 

Insomnia

I was worrying about money and my future (just like the past few weeks' nights) and then I suddenly had a thought that made me feel slightly better. 

I (as a female) am able to just marry off to a rich husband and not have to worry (much) about financials. But men on the other hand, the onus is on them to bring home the butter. Not that women cannot be the main provider but it's rather instilled in men and much of their pride causes them to think so. 

Riding on last week's midnight muse... Marry rich man SUA 😒