I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurst when you disapprove all doing
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
'Cuz you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

thought of the day

"When you’re vulnerable, your heart is wide open, you put your trust in somebody in the form of giving them the most precious thing you have – your heart.  When you’re vulnerable you leave yourself available to be hurt and people hurt people. So I guess somewhere along the way, whether I realized it or not, I made the decision that vulnerability was not for me. I told myself that to be vulnerable would mean to give up my strength and I did not want to give it up. My construction of strength almost defined me." - By KOVIE BIAKOLO

April fooling 4

Basically I didn't manage to record in photo or video but.... outlive 1 fooled kaixin!!!!


We were having dinner/supper at beauty world macs (as usual on a Monday night).

And weiyan was teaching tang how to create Skype.
And we saw kaixin online so we video Skyped her!

Ended up talking about how much she wants to come back and which airlines sell the cheapest tickets back.

So she checked Tiger and Scoot...
And then I told her.. "You try Lion Airways"

Then she fell for it she was like oh okay.

Weiyan then said "uhh I think quite cheap, you go check www.lionairways.com"

So she tried searching. And she seems to have somewhat found it, to our amazement and Sherry's controlled laughter.
But turned out was just some weird website so we told her to google it.

She went to some page that I think has all the airlines and she could choose what she wants. Then she was like "don't have leh"

Me, " why not you try to google zebra airlines la "


Her " huuuuh??? Eh y'all bluff me! "

Ahahahha hahahahah.
Kaixin ah kaixin. How to graduate.

April fooling 3

This one super obvious.
I wasn't gonna try too hard cause....
My mum dad aunt are pretty much like people who likes to worry for a living.

Any small thing can trigger the worry bug in them :O

So anyway, I tried my luck.
( I actually wanted to put it as "I've enough of all the stress I don't need all these shit. I'm withdrawing." )

AND one person fell for it.
姑姑....hahahahahha. I think if my mum/dad was checking fb at that time they would've fell for it too!
Aiya wasted.

April fooling 2

So sherry being sherry fell for this.... SHERRY AH
I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T..

Or maybe I'm just too good at this :)

April fooling 1

So this was actually somewhat kind of on April 2nd but I don't care it worked.

Ning believed it. (I think cause I tweeted "where can I buy one of these flop ear bunnies from") aha newb.

Actually took off the photo from xiaxue and her bunny and cropped it up.

The next morning my mum asked me
"Last time you say your friend wanna give you hamster, now say your friend wanna give you bunny. Why so many?"
In a very neutral tone(but I think she secretly wished I really brought home the bunny it's damn cute pls!!!)

Then lazily, in bed, I told her....
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!
While grinning hahahha.

She broke out into a sheepish smile also hahahahah.

The stupidest thing you can do is to intentionally hurt someone.

It sucks when you can't do anything to make things better

Hell week

I used to think that I'd never compromise my sleep(sleeping in on weekends, waking up naturally, without alarm) or meal consumption habits.

But then uni life began.

And I went through hell weeks in sem 1..
And now, sem 2.

It's 5pm and I haven't eaten my lunch. (Ain't nobody got time fo dat)

It's Good Friday and I've to wake up at 7.30am to go to school. Tomorrow is Saturday and I have 8.15am make up lesson.

But I guess it's still okay.
I've got all those who love me. And being able to make it into a local uni itself is somewhat good...right?

But if I don't get employed when I graduate I'm gonna rage so bad..

Quote of the season: Ain't nobody got time fo dat.

Parents like to correct their children. But when their child corrects them? What do they do? Come up with lots of excuses and not just say OK.

Seriously it's not like I'm telling you to go do some crazy batshit thing. All I'm saying is stop being so negative in your words. whats wrong with being encouraging?

(Edited because I feel less angst now)


And I know I'm making a big fuss but IT'S FREAKING WEEK 12 AND IM STRESSED ENOUGH and I can't take no more shit ok

And I don't expect anyone above 25 to understand or try to be nice but at least tone down the nagging for awhile.

Or maybe I should just

ASDFGHJLLAHAHA
Ok that was de-stressing

Love makes the world go round

So now let us learn to love like never before.


"In all honesty, we are only kidding ourselves when we say that we are “giving up on love.” Even if we could cut out every connection who cares for us, we would still be capable of feeling empathy, and desire, and compassion. To give up on love would be to give up on the sun, to give up on air, to give up on everything good about day-to-day life. You might delete your dating site account, you might say no to someone who asks you out on a Friday night, but you will still know what it looks like when someone wonderful comes into your life. Opportunities will come along and you will be only too happy to receive them, and that doesn’t make you needy or desperate. It makes you human, and capable of love, and very much worthy of having it in your life. "

-from thoughtcatalog.com

Love.yourself.
and then love the unlovable.

If only it's easy

Give me some time while I try to figure this out

saktan

the worst things in life come free to us

Really worried now :(

Ermagad guys.

Please don't do push ups on random exercising playground without a shirt on.

Maintain a bit can!!

Seriously, can't tank.

Woke up in the middle of the night from a dream.
Want to cry.

Why wasn't it real :(((((

i knew it was gonna happen.
yet i held on, to that last bit of hope.

Lol at those ah lian girls who walk pass and purposely smoke a puff while showing off.

You have no idea how gross you are to 7/10 people.

Like ew.

What i really really really want

Meet Dozer. LE DREAM DOG. WTS GERMAN SHEPHERD X HUSKY.

IS THIS WHAT HEAVEN IS LIKE?

FILLED W DOZER-S?!?!

Just look at this piece of thing that is art.

This work of art by God. 

Look at the eyes, it's the most specialest thing ever like half GS eyes half husky 

LIKE SO COOL OMG LEMME TOUCH YOU PLS.

i would literally give up all my bank account savings for this doggy :(

someone pretty please inform santa. or my mom. or dad. or like a generous donor.

i would forgo all my xmas presents from now on just for him :(

i would also literally slash myself and donate blood or whatever to get him :((

I WOULD EVEN EAT BITTER GOURD AND NUTS AND SLEEP EARLY FOR ONCE.

HE IS UP FOR ADOPTION FER GOODNESS SAKE :'((((

i don't want no car

i don't want no angpao money

i don't want no gucci prada or new bag

i don't want no louboutins

i don't want no new guitar or drums

i don't want no new big house

i don't want no new phone

ALL I WANT IS HIM :'<

slashwrist.stabsself.cryariver.drowns.repeat.

nobody understands me/this they think it's a big fat joke >:(

A levels

Is it weird that i have no idea how normal people would be feeling on the day that they receive their A Level results?

I mean i can't even remember how i was feeling.
i think it was like nothing. i was feeling nothing.
and i think i just wanted to get it over and done with and run away from all these people around me and just go home.

i vaguely remember entering the hall and Jacelyn spotted me and we hugged and she cried...(I DIDNT OK) and maybe like a few rows of people were staring but i didn't care.
and i asked her why she wasn't sitting with her class and feeling proud of her that she scored well.

Then i saw my class.
Sat down.
Awkward eye contact with Vanessa and QZ and me trying to act like everything is okay.

*proceeded to stone and zone out*
*casual remarks of "why is it taking so long"*
*turns around and look at other people in the hall*

The usual happened. Teacher comes up and talk. Principal went up and showed some results thingy.
Smart people went up.
Applause.
end.

Go line up and take your results yay.

Took my results. Don't know how to feel.
Went to pick-up area, waited for my cousin in law to pick me up and fetch me home.

Received many "That's really good and We're so proud of you" (but it's actually not very good righttttttttttttttttt)


ONE YEAR HAS PASSED.
and i know for sure one thing that is common.
i feel the nothing, the don't know what to feel, the don't know how to feel, the waiting for something, the-.