In life there are some things that you should hold onto and never let go. 

 

Then there are some things that you shouldn't have allowed into your life in the first place, so you cut it off. 

Finally, there are some things that you held onto but should have let it go a long time ago. 

I've finally let it go. A revelation just came to me out of the blue and I saw it as clear as day. There was no point in investing so much thought and time when I wasn't going anywhere. 

In time, you may revisit my life again or you may not. 

But for now, goodbye..

I walk into acceptance 

So tired guiz
y am i always so affected by my fam?

Also thinking about so many shits in my life. 

Relationships - should I move on?

Responsibilities - am I taking on too much?

Expectations - said and unsaid 

Wants vs Needs - I'd rather eat home than eat out

What do I want in life - LIFE'S BIGGEST QN 

I wanna go Aus and work in a cafe... Bye world 

Insomnia

I was worrying about money and my future (just like the past few weeks' nights) and then I suddenly had a thought that made me feel slightly better. 

I (as a female) am able to just marry off to a rich husband and not have to worry (much) about financials. But men on the other hand, the onus is on them to bring home the butter. Not that women cannot be the main provider but it's rather instilled in men and much of their pride causes them to think so. 

Riding on last week's midnight muse... Marry rich man SUA 😒 

Fell sick out of nowhere and had to cancel 2 tuitions - one of which decided to change tutor. That's $100 income for my week gone :'( THEN I had to miss lifegroup. Was contemplating to go but then the last time I had fever and went for LG, my fever went sky high lol.

Feeling so ugh cause this week I'm much more free (because Thurs tuition was cancelled and only working at Ciel on Friday&Sunday) and I wanted to start doing my own work, run some errands... BUT NO, MY BODY HAD TO GIVE UP ON ME. Literally just did nothing the whole day except sleep and lie on my bed feeling like a useless piece of poop.

And then I had no appetite for the whole day.. Had my lunch as dinner and right now I AM SUDDENLY SO HUNGRY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BODY OMG.

so. done.

Deep

Have you ever read a really good book that you cannot put down then it goes from really happy to raw pain and it feels so real to you. You hesitate to continue the book but you do it anyway, despite the pain you feel for the characters in the book. 

I think life is like that. You continue on, despite. Because there is always hope for something better. 

I wrote this on July 9th 2015, on my other blog. Damn

Am I the only confused one?

My dad is so confusing.

I've been pretty hurt from his words & tone recently and I've been trying hard to understand things from his pov but I'm still confused.

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We just had dinner, and over dinner my dad and mum was talking about the "itinerary" for my brother's graduation that will take place tomorrow. He did not know what the plan was and started to raise his voice and use an accusatory tone on my mother, 'Why you never ask him? Go and ask him so that I know'. In which I, being the mediator and big-mouth of the family, asked my dad why he had to speak in such a way, couldn't he have put it in a nicer way? I also told him that we all don't really know what's going to happen tomorrow so just text Ning.

I can't really remember what else was said except:
1) he isn't keen to go
2) "Poly is only A level like that what, also no need to go"

??!!?!?!?

Afterwards I think I wasn't being the most tactful but I went on to tell him that that's ridiculous and it's about being involved in every step of the way rather than just the end point.

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I heard from my mum that my dad wasn't there when I was born, or at least for me and kor. My parents weren't there when I was secondary 1 and I achieved a Best Recruit award from The Girls' Brigade (my CCA) Recruitment Training Camp. He probably doesn't know that I got voted as the prom queen during sec 4's graduation dinner. He wasn't there when I had my 21st birthday celebration.

I'm not saying my dad's all nasty, he is smart, he is hardworking, he brings home the bread and butter, he pays for my education, my needs and sometimes my wants, he brings my family to holidays. I don't rat on him, I appreciate being debt free, being able to lead a comfortable life, not having to worry about what to eat, drink or wear.

I just wished he would stop working so hard, and just be there for us more. Will he find his life meaningful? When all he remembers of his life is work, play, TV time and then the last tiny bit - spending time with people who genuinely care for him.



What is his love language? Does he love us? Are we an obligation? Why have children?
I don't get it...

#confused

Mornings be like 12.30pm

Reality is this: when you want to continue your Korean language class and go for a TOPIK cert but your father refuses to sponsor you and since you're a independent "grown", 90%-graduating woman, you suck it up and ACCEPT it as it is.

sigh. Basically also meaning welcome to Adulthood! Responsibilities, hellooooo! (well at least I'm debt-free HA!)

But I couldn't help but whine about it to my mum LOL. I mean that's what mums are for right???? So I guess money does make the world go round... Before I can do anything I need to find a PT job, so that I can finance my next 6-8months :<

I...regrettably rejected the Korean cafe job because they wanted to post me to West Coast Plaza's outlet (and it's not even working in a cafe but their taekwondo school).. Being a total cheapo and lazy pig, I thought it was too far (transport is expensive, changing 2 trains and a bus?!) and inaccessible. I KNOW, I know. Ain't nobody go time to be choosy. Broke girls can't be choosy. blah

So right now, I have 2 choices remaining:
1) Intensive and smart googling to find PT job-of-interests in the West area
2) Go back to Paris Baguette and be a PT crew in that horrid uniform

I have decided to go with number one for another week or two first because I hate wearing the cap that is required when I was working in PB.

:)

Jesus take the wheeeel~~~

Feels

So... this friday will be the "last" Exam of my life; more specifically my University life. How do I feel about it?

Generally more happy than "oh no it's the end of my school life". I'm sure in the near future when I start working FT, I will surely miss the days when I can at least sleep in 2 out of 3 weekdays because I do not have classes on those days. But really, that's about the only thing I will miss about Uni life LOL. I mean I appreciate being a student and being able to study and all but I hate having to cramp theories and information in my head within a week or two, then spilling it all out, only to forget what I memorised in that same day. I also appreciate the handful of friends that I've made in Uni – they sure made me look forward to going to school.

Other than that, I didn't like Uni life/SMU(not sure if one equates to the other). Too competitive, at times made me feel my grades = my worth, not a fun environment if you didn't subscribe to Their definition of "fun" and made me feel stupid.

However, I've actually learnt certain useful skills/knowledge/some wisdom along the way (which I will blog about on a later date when I have more time to reflect on a deeper level)!

Anyway looking forward... I CAN'T WAIT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO...
-get my TOPIK Korean Language cert
-go for coffee brewing/making course
-employ one of the many benefits of the WWW and teach myself how to code
-T R A V E L
-go for 2 week bible study course
-work PT and use that $ wisely on all of the above (and also save some)

and of course come to a decision on whether I'd like to go into the hospitality industry by the end of this year.

TLDR; Yes I have plans. No I have not found a FT job. Yes I think I deserve a short (like 1/80th of my lifetime short) break.

Ps. I have Internation Econs Exam on friday and please pray that I do not fail, I am so absolutely lost (what in the world is uncovered interest parity?!?!)

My parents sure know how to discourage me and make me feel like a pile of turd. Best thing - they don't know how good they are at it 😀😀😀👍🏻

You will never know that sometimes I take a second look at people because I notice the jaw line, the nose, the tan, the cockiness, they resemble you. And then I wonder, is that how you would look like when you grow out of your awkwardness? 

One thing this has taught me though is that everything's gonna be alright. Ironic but - I've gone through one of the worst. Exams? People? Situations? Circumstances? They may seem daunting but you taught me to see it from another perspective.

I miss you.