I kind of just wished I had more photos or collectable memoirs or something

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Do you remember how awesome it was to be a kid? To be loved, to be carefree, to be innocent, to not be simple. Every thing was either a yes or a no - a happy or a sad, a like or a dislike. 

I miss my childhood. 

When i was a kid, my mum told me that i took an hour to finish a bowl of porridge while the rest took 15-30mins. Like how is that possible, right? I think i vaguely remember a moment when i was eating and every one else has finished... I was distracted by the TV okay. 

I miss my childhood.

I wished i could bring forth the forgotten memories of playing, the 5 of us. I don't remember much from the time i was born til i was 6. I look at pictures that we had and memories surface but then again are they? Or are they just a dream i had to make up for the lost period of time.

I miss my childhood.

The five of us were inseparable. We used to live in hub blocks opposite each other. Almost every evening we would go downstairs and play with each other. First, there was 2 bikes. We learnt to share, taking turns to have a ride.(Of course the 2 elder ones got to try everything first..) Then Ning had a kiddy car thingy. Then there was a scooter. Sometimes we played badminton.(we tried) Sometimes we went to the drain near the forest to catch fishes and tadpoles. Sometimes we hang out at home and watch power rangers. 

I miss my childhood.

My cousin and family then moved to Castle Green. It was a pity...yet not a pity. They brought Sweety home. We played "dooba dooba"(Sweety went crazy and chased us whenever we said that) with her all the time. Went on walks with the dog, cycling, roller blading.. Playing block catching with condo kids. Playing "poison river" at the playground. Having monthly bbqs. Playing blind mice in their room and climbing every. where. Weekly tennis sessions. Swimming. Getting money from our parents after dinner and buying snacks from the snack shop. Christmas parties, birthday gatherings. Being the coolest kids gang ever.

I miss my childhood.

Then we grew up. We still had fun, yes, but growing up means more responsibilities and less time for us to hang out. I realised this when Carol jie had to go NZ to study. It really sunk in when Sweetie died about 2-3 years after that. But we were still in our teens. We all went through our rebellious stage(kind of). Carol jie went emo-goth, Belle couldn't stop questioning about every single thing, Kor shut himself up and couldn't stop gaming, well Ning...ate.....a lot.. and for me, I uh..whined? Still, every year when we were at Penang with all them other relatives we were still the coolest kids around. We all went through our fair share of growing up. We were somehow there for each other, we didn't judge each other, and we went through it all.

I miss my childhood.

People say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought you'd never lose it. And this is so damn true. I never thought i'd lose someone...well i did think of it before.. you know just in case to get myself prepared but i always thought it would happen when i'm married, with kids and all. When i'm OLD. This wasn't suppose to happen. Not yet. But it did. And as much as i want to say, "Let's all start living like it's our last day, let's all live without regrets",  deep down i know that life is full of regrets. And this is one of it that i would have to live through it 'til the end of my life. But i know i am not alone. And after some time, i realised that it's not my fault too. I don't even know what i'm saying anymore. 

I miss my brother.

I'm sorry I couldn't get to you. It is weird, moving on without you. How am i suppose to grow old, when you don't? I couldn't envision a future because it's just weird without you. Part of my every single day for the 19 years of my life disappeared. Just like that. But i've learnt to let go. It's okay. It's not okay okay, but i'm okay. We're okay. I have to be strong 'cause i'm the oldest now. I'm the mediator and the glue. I've always been the mediator, eh? Anyways, Happy birthday Kor, i'm older than you now. 

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Really lazy sunday

Basically what i did for today. Well my day started at about 1pm... Waking up without an alarm clock, ah the simple wonderful amazing things in life. Ate Kimchijeon and Pajeon that my mum made, went out to get my much-craved Chocolate Milk 80% from Gongcha :D (seriously if you want to drink bubble tea might as well drink it to the full right?? why buy 0% sugar!!) Lazed around.. Searched and applied for a few internships.. Looked for songs and added it onto my playlist~ Ah haven't had such a relaxing Sunday in such a long time. And guess what! I'm going to work tomorrow after like 14234years. I can't wait to earn that extra $60 to put my bank account balance back to above 1k! 

Well something interesting that happened today was that my new manager told me that i couldn't work because she had to check with HR first. Somehow i guess because of the fact that i haven't worked in a month plus she thinks that HR would have removed my name? I was SOOO sad because i was looking forward to finally working with Hiang and making coffee again!(well because there are so little customers these days..) I also missed smelling the breads and cakes and eating the free food i get over there.. :( I love bread. I love to see the bakers making bread and the cake chefs decorating the cakes! I think i also miss saying.. "Hi, order?"~ ANYWAY, the good news is she checked my name and YES i will be able to work this week :D What's happier that working tomorrow is knowing that you couldn't work tomorrow then suddenly having a confirmation from the manager that you can work tomorrow! That's 3 tomorrow-s in a sentence.

Sun rise sun set; perfection

Today is a good day.

"We have not received the spirit of the world but the spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us"

Just for laughs

This is a little "Throwback Friday" post from Oct 20, 2010. Somehow ended up reading a little of my past blog posts(instead of studying).. AND I MUST SAY, i am impressed with how the blogpost started. it has been long since i blogged something using creative language and tryna make myself sound all professional..Enjoy every second of this while i creep into a dark corner of my vulnerable heart and cringe at every thought of embarrassing blogposts i have blogged while crossing my fingers and praying you don't read my archives.

"Sincerest apologies my love. never once did i think i would be so.... so.... to put it bluntly, suay. yes, i was really very suay today. if i had any, and i meant any premonition of your outcome, i would have kept you safe. or rather, we would escape and find a safe haven. where you and i can be together.

i remembered the first time we met.... it was only a few weeks ago. and now, i can only see you after my OP presentation. it's okay, time will pass quickly and i will see you very very soon.

till then, i'll work hard and ace my OP and chinese a levels so that you can enjoy the freedom when i have you in my hands!

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DEAREST LIME GREEN FRISBEE, IM SO SORRY YOU ARE CONFISCATED :(


okay well shit. that was really gay but okay i was bored.
no back to I&R.
and yes, it got confiscated.
:( no frisbee-ing today.
but tomorrow, i bring my glo-in-the-dark and i prepare for war with pe attire!!!!

K.C.S will not catch us this time!!!!!

and he spotted weijie from so far away can.
suay much.
bye."

Nnnaawww I was so cute teehee.

Mid-term crisis

You know how people have mid life crisis? I'm having a mid-term crisis. Let me explain. Basically this started because of CNY. Yes, I am blaming CNY!!! At the start of CNY, I had no urge or whatsoever to feed on those delicious sinful cny goodies. Then i thought hey there's so many of those if i don't eat some, who will? Right? So i ate some and I've never stopped since then... I had coke cravings(I usually hate soft drinks, it's gassy okay), I ate snacks even when i wasn't hungry just because and... and..now I'm.. FATter.

I lost my motivation to be healthy and exercise once a week too. This always happens during school term. So right now at this moment I'm feeling soooooooooo sad because my tummy is so flabby. Also another side effect I get is feeling like doing everything else except for studying. As if I'm already not a natural at procrastinating.. So currently I want to go overseas and study culinary(baking?? cooking??), go Korea for a year or so to officially study Korean, be a travel blogger.(eventhough my writing style is really weird and my English is just ok) 

I don't know why but nowadays I've been thinking on what to do in the future and the problem is that there's just so many things that I want to try out and I don't think I actually have the time. 

And here's a random picture of carefree times. Ah..

This picture sums up my day. I failed my quiz (I seriously thought I could do most of the questions) but then I collected my new laptop AKA MacBook Pro. However I spent my night trying to transfer files and figure it out. Which means I need to study full force tomorrow and on Friday :/

Woori Nara

17 feb Monday 

Studied at coffee bean westmall. It was productive...kind of.(compared to how much I actually study if I were to stay at home..) Jo taught me Korean too! Learning about directions in Korean is tough!! 앞어옆어뒤에위에밑에안에밖에 <- mind blowing stuff right here. Jo then told me about her recent urge to be healthy and exercise daily...so she made me walk home & we took the car out to eat dinner at Woori Nara. (I had korean food craving since forever okay) It was soooo yum. 

Anyway the conclusion for the day was that we both love Seo In Guk - he's too cute. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvdyHarR2B4

Watch this and join the fandom. What do we call ourselves..Seo-ies? Guk-ies? SIG-ies? Lover of the SIG?(LOTS) 식기~~ 렅스~~

오늘은 커피빈에서 공부했어요. 한국어를도 잘 배웠어요. 화이트초코릿커피 마셨어요. 그 커피 좀 달았요. 그리고 우리 운동을 했어요. 집에 가요. 드디어 저녁이 먹었어요. 우리나라 레스토랑에 맛있어 한식을 잘 먹었어요. 

마지막...우리 서인국도 너무 좋아해용 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

끝! 

Whale you bee my valentine?

It was a fulfilling Friday. I had fun with my gb girls &pals. Sneaked drinks into the cinema and watched robocop with Jo(Jolyn couldn't join D;) 

I wasn't lonely. There's no need to be lonely, there's no need to wait for that someone. You've just got to realise you've got someone-s all around you. And that's what matters. 

These people around you. 

Do you know that?

You have the power to make people happy.

It happens all the time

i have the shortest attention time span ever.

10pm: finished printing my notes and stuff
10:10pm: stopped scrolling facebook and went to study(FOR MY FRIKKIN QUIZ THAT IS MANAGERIAL ACCOUNTING AND I ABSOLUTELY SUCK AT ACCOUNTING AND HATE IT.)
10:20pm: whatsapping. went to do some admin on who's coming over to my house on saturday.
10:30pm: replying texts. sending texts (just in case i forgot)
10:40pm: back to studying
10:55pm: suddenly remembered that i wanted to follow this person on instagram so heads to laptop and check it out.
11:00pm: went to check out some blogs
11:10pm: here i am blogging

i have 3 chapters to revise, and try to memorise on how to account stuffs. don't even have time to try out the quiz practices :'( on days like this i wished i was given a written assignment instead(that would not be strictly graded because  you know, my EL isn't the best and i severely lack in my vocab as well as the fact that my grammar sometimes suck so bad) but you know i actually love typing on the keyboard and writing meaningless stuff and crapping loads of weird stories out. but then i'm not a good story writer...blah.

so yes as you can see i also happen to can't help but digress alot. or is it a lot. hmmm i never did understood that part of english.
before i continue with my smugging(ha ha) i just need to put my motivator up here...

BEN XIAO JIE IS GOING TO KANI AGAIN. sa sa sa summer time summer time happiness~ 

We plan to do a dance compilation while we're there hehe

I like my dress

I should blog about my Kani trip one of these days...(and Penang and hk one) but #wheregottime! 

Went to the temple to see kor this morning. Carol jie came with us then she took the train back home. Dressed up and went to xinwang@jem for lunch! So tired and lazy and bus now but I have to go to this not so close relative's house to bai nian. Very tempted to slack at home but then my mum will be sad haha cause it's her side of the family. Oh well... Let's go then

I love giving the creepy face hurhur not. 

Mandatory cny post?

CNY this year has been rather quiet. Don't really remember when was the last time it was like this. Didn't go back Msia this year(idk why didn't bother to ask parents). Well I guess it's still good. My family's here and carol jie's here(the rest of them are somewhere overseas sianz). Carol jie's stayed over last night and tonight too :) basically our cny eve consisted of yummy dinner. Chit chat, chilling, wine &cheese. Mahjong. I was on a winning streak last night!!! Not today though.. Cny day 1... Well we all woke up at 11? Around there. Cool shit right! All you people out there already out of the house going somewhere and I got to sleep in! #cheapthrills (have I mentioned how much I love to sleep) And we ate tang yuan for breakfast, vegetarian food for lunch. Okay so everything was informal and all so basically we didn't even have any "ootd". Only my mum and dad wore something nice in the morning hehe. We then played mahjong while waiting for our tea time AKA KFC to arrive. In my defence I wasn't the only one who was feeling meat deprived okkkkk. Such sinful indulgence..I've been nomming on too many cny goodies :p

Yeah so basically my day consisted of food, mahjong, cards, star/fox movies and Korean dramas. And not to mention lots of fun and laughter. 

It's 24degrees now! Wow so cold haven't switched on the aircon for 2 nights. My hands are freezing imma turn in for the night.