Weird relationship thoughts

It's been so long since I've posted anything!!

Anyway there's just something that's on my mind ever since idk TFIOS or something. I realised that... I might have a certain tiny bit fear of being in a relationship with a significant other. I mean it's probably just my random mind conjuring all sorts of things but... it's pretty scary right?!

OK hear me out.

FYI this is me:
-your not so typical girl who used to think 21 is just about the right mature age to get into a r/s and get married at like what, 24?
-your not so typical girl who don't just date but believes in knowing someone, starting out as friends then idk LT relationship kind of thing
-your not so typical girl who hopes that her first significant other will also turn out to be the last.

So given all the above assumptions about me (idk if the above still applies today), it would totally suck if for example you get together with someone and for some unknown reason YOU BREAK UP WITH THEM.
For e.g.
1) He doesn't love you anymore
2) You don't love him anymore(yes, i'm being insecure about my ability to love)
3) Both of you had a different calling (this is Christianese, ignore if you do not understand)
4) Either or both of you gets cancer and he dies first before you because he freaking lit up light a Christmas tree (sorry I had to)

And well, the list goes on.

CAN U IMAGINE being together with somebody (for super long, like 8years) and boom, you realise that your life is meant to be led differently from your S.O. annnnnd you break up. Oh that heart break I can't... Yes, you could probably survive and "recover" from something like that but a piece of your heart is just

You know what would really suck? If I was the loser that would be the person that said "Let's break up, because XXXXXX." I'm such a dedicated, loyal individual... I would.. never.... BUT if it ever happens (pls no) I would hate myself so much lol.

#randompostover