this.

Adapted from cousin's blog again.

"These things happen", "You'll forget and get over it in time", "It's not your fault shit happens", "Maybe you're not as affected because you've been away for too long".

Fuck no, these things do not happen. They aren't suppose to happen. It's not something we just 'get over', it's not a one/two week thing for crying out loud. It's something we have to live with for the rest of our lives.

"Are you okay?" you ask. How are we suppose to reply to that? Even if we said "No", what are you going to do about it? Do you just ask that question, hoping to get a 'yes' so that you won't have to have the responsibility of comforting and making us feel better?

I know people ask if we're okay cause they're concerned.

But everytime they do, half of me don't even wanna answer it cause i don't really have an answer.

"How're you?"

What i really feel wanna reply is
"Well someone close to me died how do you think i feel?"

But its not fair to them cause their just concerned.

And to what extent of how i act is it then classified that i'm okay/my family is okay?

By the number of times i tear a week?

By the number of times i miss him?

By the number of secret conversations we have in our heart with him?

"I understand"

No please don't say that to me.

Even if you're just trying to comfort me. don't.

Our situations are different.

I don't need counselling.

I'm not crazy.

I just need time.