2016-2017

For the most part of my teen-early adult life I have been giving. Giving of my time, my resources, my help, my emotions to others. Serving, or just being there for them. Almost always staying strong, being myself, optimistic, cheerful, playful despite some of the things I may go through. I'm pretty happy-go-lucky, I'm not petty about things, I don't bear grudges easily. I forgive and forget easily, I try to be the most understanding. I'm a conflict-avoider (unless I've been wronged) so I'd rather bear the brunt an emotional outpour than to point out faults in thought-flow in said outpour. (because well, most people don't say the best things when they are emotional right?)

But.

It sucks that sometimes people forget that you're just human, you're just a girl, you're just someone with feelings. It sucks that sometimes people just assume that you can tank it all and don't bother to be sensitive. It sucks that sometimes people can just leave you like you don't mean anything.

Once in awhile though it gets too tough and I stop. I stop trying. I stop being. And I give myself some space and time to rest, recover and get back up again.

Sometimes I forget that I have amazing people around me who would give, invest and just be there for me. A kind word, a squeeze of my hand, a request for a hug, giving of a hug, a look, a smile, a conversation, a text, an invite to hang out, a joke, a gift, a treat, a card, a car ride, a yes. It's times like this that I really feel like I haven't been living for nothing; that all those years of me being me has actually impacted others. I am thankful for these people. 2016/17 has been the year that I've said the most thanks to God for the friends that I have.

2016 transiting into 2017 hasn't been the best. The first half of 2016 was so so good. I guess God is kind of fair then - half good, half not so good. I did learn a lot though, despite the latter half being a shitty half for me. I learnt that being wise is always better than following your emotions. I learnt not to settle for anything less than what I deserve. I learnt that it isn't that bad to fail and get back up again. I learnt to put down my pride and build relationships. I learnt to love.

Thank you friends and family that has been with me this past few months. Sometimes, your presence is more than enough. Thank you God for teaching me and bringing me through.

Here's to another year of learning and growing, to be humble, to continue to love, to be courageous, to be wise, to be gracious, to be generous, to be prayerful and to honour.