I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Do you remember how awesome it was to be a kid? To be loved, to be carefree, to be innocent, to not be simple. Every thing was either a yes or a no - a happy or a sad, a like or a dislike. 

I miss my childhood. 

When i was a kid, my mum told me that i took an hour to finish a bowl of porridge while the rest took 15-30mins. Like how is that possible, right? I think i vaguely remember a moment when i was eating and every one else has finished... I was distracted by the TV okay. 

I miss my childhood.

I wished i could bring forth the forgotten memories of playing, the 5 of us. I don't remember much from the time i was born til i was 6. I look at pictures that we had and memories surface but then again are they? Or are they just a dream i had to make up for the lost period of time.

I miss my childhood.

The five of us were inseparable. We used to live in hub blocks opposite each other. Almost every evening we would go downstairs and play with each other. First, there was 2 bikes. We learnt to share, taking turns to have a ride.(Of course the 2 elder ones got to try everything first..) Then Ning had a kiddy car thingy. Then there was a scooter. Sometimes we played badminton.(we tried) Sometimes we went to the drain near the forest to catch fishes and tadpoles. Sometimes we hang out at home and watch power rangers. 

I miss my childhood.

My cousin and family then moved to Castle Green. It was a pity...yet not a pity. They brought Sweety home. We played "dooba dooba"(Sweety went crazy and chased us whenever we said that) with her all the time. Went on walks with the dog, cycling, roller blading.. Playing block catching with condo kids. Playing "poison river" at the playground. Having monthly bbqs. Playing blind mice in their room and climbing every. where. Weekly tennis sessions. Swimming. Getting money from our parents after dinner and buying snacks from the snack shop. Christmas parties, birthday gatherings. Being the coolest kids gang ever.

I miss my childhood.

Then we grew up. We still had fun, yes, but growing up means more responsibilities and less time for us to hang out. I realised this when Carol jie had to go NZ to study. It really sunk in when Sweetie died about 2-3 years after that. But we were still in our teens. We all went through our rebellious stage(kind of). Carol jie went emo-goth, Belle couldn't stop questioning about every single thing, Kor shut himself up and couldn't stop gaming, well Ning...ate.....a lot.. and for me, I uh..whined? Still, every year when we were at Penang with all them other relatives we were still the coolest kids around. We all went through our fair share of growing up. We were somehow there for each other, we didn't judge each other, and we went through it all.

I miss my childhood.

People say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought you'd never lose it. And this is so damn true. I never thought i'd lose someone...well i did think of it before.. you know just in case to get myself prepared but i always thought it would happen when i'm married, with kids and all. When i'm OLD. This wasn't suppose to happen. Not yet. But it did. And as much as i want to say, "Let's all start living like it's our last day, let's all live without regrets",  deep down i know that life is full of regrets. And this is one of it that i would have to live through it 'til the end of my life. But i know i am not alone. And after some time, i realised that it's not my fault too. I don't even know what i'm saying anymore. 

I miss my brother.

I'm sorry I couldn't get to you. It is weird, moving on without you. How am i suppose to grow old, when you don't? I couldn't envision a future because it's just weird without you. Part of my every single day for the 19 years of my life disappeared. Just like that. But i've learnt to let go. It's okay. It's not okay okay, but i'm okay. We're okay. I have to be strong 'cause i'm the oldest now. I'm the mediator and the glue. I've always been the mediator, eh? Anyways, Happy birthday Kor, i'm older than you now. 

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Really lazy sunday

Basically what i did for today. Well my day started at about 1pm... Waking up without an alarm clock, ah the simple wonderful amazing things in life. Ate Kimchijeon and Pajeon that my mum made, went out to get my much-craved Chocolate Milk 80% from Gongcha :D (seriously if you want to drink bubble tea might as well drink it to the full right?? why buy 0% sugar!!) Lazed around.. Searched and applied for a few internships.. Looked for songs and added it onto my playlist~ Ah haven't had such a relaxing Sunday in such a long time. And guess what! I'm going to work tomorrow after like 14234years. I can't wait to earn that extra $60 to put my bank account balance back to above 1k! 

Well something interesting that happened today was that my new manager told me that i couldn't work because she had to check with HR first. Somehow i guess because of the fact that i haven't worked in a month plus she thinks that HR would have removed my name? I was SOOO sad because i was looking forward to finally working with Hiang and making coffee again!(well because there are so little customers these days..) I also missed smelling the breads and cakes and eating the free food i get over there.. :( I love bread. I love to see the bakers making bread and the cake chefs decorating the cakes! I think i also miss saying.. "Hi, order?"~ ANYWAY, the good news is she checked my name and YES i will be able to work this week :D What's happier that working tomorrow is knowing that you couldn't work tomorrow then suddenly having a confirmation from the manager that you can work tomorrow! That's 3 tomorrow-s in a sentence.

Sun rise sun set; perfection

Today is a good day.

"We have not received the spirit of the world but the spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us"

Just for laughs

This is a little "Throwback Friday" post from Oct 20, 2010. Somehow ended up reading a little of my past blog posts(instead of studying).. AND I MUST SAY, i am impressed with how the blogpost started. it has been long since i blogged something using creative language and tryna make myself sound all professional..Enjoy every second of this while i creep into a dark corner of my vulnerable heart and cringe at every thought of embarrassing blogposts i have blogged while crossing my fingers and praying you don't read my archives.

"Sincerest apologies my love. never once did i think i would be so.... so.... to put it bluntly, suay. yes, i was really very suay today. if i had any, and i meant any premonition of your outcome, i would have kept you safe. or rather, we would escape and find a safe haven. where you and i can be together.

i remembered the first time we met.... it was only a few weeks ago. and now, i can only see you after my OP presentation. it's okay, time will pass quickly and i will see you very very soon.

till then, i'll work hard and ace my OP and chinese a levels so that you can enjoy the freedom when i have you in my hands!

.
.
.
.
.
.

DEAREST LIME GREEN FRISBEE, IM SO SORRY YOU ARE CONFISCATED :(


okay well shit. that was really gay but okay i was bored.
no back to I&R.
and yes, it got confiscated.
:( no frisbee-ing today.
but tomorrow, i bring my glo-in-the-dark and i prepare for war with pe attire!!!!

K.C.S will not catch us this time!!!!!

and he spotted weijie from so far away can.
suay much.
bye."

Nnnaawww I was so cute teehee.

Mid-term crisis

You know how people have mid life crisis? I'm having a mid-term crisis. Let me explain. Basically this started because of CNY. Yes, I am blaming CNY!!! At the start of CNY, I had no urge or whatsoever to feed on those delicious sinful cny goodies. Then i thought hey there's so many of those if i don't eat some, who will? Right? So i ate some and I've never stopped since then... I had coke cravings(I usually hate soft drinks, it's gassy okay), I ate snacks even when i wasn't hungry just because and... and..now I'm.. FATter.

I lost my motivation to be healthy and exercise once a week too. This always happens during school term. So right now at this moment I'm feeling soooooooooo sad because my tummy is so flabby. Also another side effect I get is feeling like doing everything else except for studying. As if I'm already not a natural at procrastinating.. So currently I want to go overseas and study culinary(baking?? cooking??), go Korea for a year or so to officially study Korean, be a travel blogger.(eventhough my writing style is really weird and my English is just ok) 

I don't know why but nowadays I've been thinking on what to do in the future and the problem is that there's just so many things that I want to try out and I don't think I actually have the time. 

And here's a random picture of carefree times. Ah..

This picture sums up my day. I failed my quiz (I seriously thought I could do most of the questions) but then I collected my new laptop AKA MacBook Pro. However I spent my night trying to transfer files and figure it out. Which means I need to study full force tomorrow and on Friday :/

Woori Nara

17 feb Monday 

Studied at coffee bean westmall. It was productive...kind of.(compared to how much I actually study if I were to stay at home..) Jo taught me Korean too! Learning about directions in Korean is tough!! 앞어옆어뒤에위에밑에안에밖에 <- mind blowing stuff right here. Jo then told me about her recent urge to be healthy and exercise daily...so she made me walk home & we took the car out to eat dinner at Woori Nara. (I had korean food craving since forever okay) It was soooo yum. 

Anyway the conclusion for the day was that we both love Seo In Guk - he's too cute. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvdyHarR2B4

Watch this and join the fandom. What do we call ourselves..Seo-ies? Guk-ies? SIG-ies? Lover of the SIG?(LOTS) 식기~~ 렅스~~

오늘은 커피빈에서 공부했어요. 한국어를도 잘 배웠어요. 화이트초코릿커피 마셨어요. 그 커피 좀 달았요. 그리고 우리 운동을 했어요. 집에 가요. 드디어 저녁이 먹었어요. 우리나라 레스토랑에 맛있어 한식을 잘 먹었어요. 

마지막...우리 서인국도 너무 좋아해용 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

끝! 

Whale you bee my valentine?

It was a fulfilling Friday. I had fun with my gb girls &pals. Sneaked drinks into the cinema and watched robocop with Jo(Jolyn couldn't join D;) 

I wasn't lonely. There's no need to be lonely, there's no need to wait for that someone. You've just got to realise you've got someone-s all around you. And that's what matters. 

These people around you. 

Do you know that?

You have the power to make people happy.

It happens all the time

i have the shortest attention time span ever.

10pm: finished printing my notes and stuff
10:10pm: stopped scrolling facebook and went to study(FOR MY FRIKKIN QUIZ THAT IS MANAGERIAL ACCOUNTING AND I ABSOLUTELY SUCK AT ACCOUNTING AND HATE IT.)
10:20pm: whatsapping. went to do some admin on who's coming over to my house on saturday.
10:30pm: replying texts. sending texts (just in case i forgot)
10:40pm: back to studying
10:55pm: suddenly remembered that i wanted to follow this person on instagram so heads to laptop and check it out.
11:00pm: went to check out some blogs
11:10pm: here i am blogging

i have 3 chapters to revise, and try to memorise on how to account stuffs. don't even have time to try out the quiz practices :'( on days like this i wished i was given a written assignment instead(that would not be strictly graded because  you know, my EL isn't the best and i severely lack in my vocab as well as the fact that my grammar sometimes suck so bad) but you know i actually love typing on the keyboard and writing meaningless stuff and crapping loads of weird stories out. but then i'm not a good story writer...blah.

so yes as you can see i also happen to can't help but digress alot. or is it a lot. hmmm i never did understood that part of english.
before i continue with my smugging(ha ha) i just need to put my motivator up here...

BEN XIAO JIE IS GOING TO KANI AGAIN. sa sa sa summer time summer time happiness~ 

We plan to do a dance compilation while we're there hehe

I like my dress

I should blog about my Kani trip one of these days...(and Penang and hk one) but #wheregottime! 

Went to the temple to see kor this morning. Carol jie came with us then she took the train back home. Dressed up and went to xinwang@jem for lunch! So tired and lazy and bus now but I have to go to this not so close relative's house to bai nian. Very tempted to slack at home but then my mum will be sad haha cause it's her side of the family. Oh well... Let's go then

I love giving the creepy face hurhur not. 

Mandatory cny post?

CNY this year has been rather quiet. Don't really remember when was the last time it was like this. Didn't go back Msia this year(idk why didn't bother to ask parents). Well I guess it's still good. My family's here and carol jie's here(the rest of them are somewhere overseas sianz). Carol jie's stayed over last night and tonight too :) basically our cny eve consisted of yummy dinner. Chit chat, chilling, wine &cheese. Mahjong. I was on a winning streak last night!!! Not today though.. Cny day 1... Well we all woke up at 11? Around there. Cool shit right! All you people out there already out of the house going somewhere and I got to sleep in! #cheapthrills (have I mentioned how much I love to sleep) And we ate tang yuan for breakfast, vegetarian food for lunch. Okay so everything was informal and all so basically we didn't even have any "ootd". Only my mum and dad wore something nice in the morning hehe. We then played mahjong while waiting for our tea time AKA KFC to arrive. In my defence I wasn't the only one who was feeling meat deprived okkkkk. Such sinful indulgence..I've been nomming on too many cny goodies :p

Yeah so basically my day consisted of food, mahjong, cards, star/fox movies and Korean dramas. And not to mention lots of fun and laughter. 

It's 24degrees now! Wow so cold haven't switched on the aircon for 2 nights. My hands are freezing imma turn in for the night. 

I like my cupcake socks

So i had a class with one of my friend today..

Friend: Eh your hair today very nice leh.

Me: Hahahaa th-

Friend: Not like last time.

I knew she was gonna add something...

Friend: Your socks very cute leh.

Me: Yaya..

Friend: Not like you~

:( she hurt mai feelings

Here is a picture of my cutie socks:

Honestly i think it's one of the cutest socks i've ever bought!! I have another cute max one but i've yet to wear it.(maybe for CNY) Back to the topic, i'm glad i bid with this friend and got to be in the same class! Makes Mathematical Accounting slightly more interesting. slightly... And if you're wondering why uni students(AKA my friend and i) speak in that manner...there's actually nothing wrong. We tend to speak lyykk diS when we're conversing with someone whom we're familiar with or close to.

ps. no cupcakes were hurt in the process.

Anyway i came across someone's wordpress and i would like to say a few things. As if anyone would be reading this right now let along that person.. HEY :) Cheer up! This period would be difficult for you but know that there is one random person out there(here) who is giving you a :))) triple chinned smiley face in the hope that you would smile too. And this is an abrupt awkward ending as i do not want to sound like a stalker. 

From setapartgirl.com

In your single years, more than ever, you have the ability to give your life for them; to pour out your time, your energy, your love, and your resources to those that have God’s special favor – the poor and the least. Are you using this gift for the benefit of those in need, or are you squandering it on yourself?

MY exam is ending on 4th decemer. I CANNOT WAIT.

Be thankful; be grateful

I just want to say that I'm very very blessed every single day of my life.



I can never be thankful enough but today i just wanna thank God for everything and anything.

This thing that blinded you, that took away your confidence and familiarity, is now gone. It was there and now it isn’t. You think, “What was I so worried about? What was so important?” - thought catalog 

The time has come

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaGCTbqJKO0&feature=youtu.be

Pretty liking this song right now haha...

Can't believe that it's gonna be 3 more weeks til end of school then exams.

I really want school to end but then i realise that I have ALOT to study and practice. (obv not very prepared for finals)

Really look forward to December! My favourite time of the year. Holiday, Christmas...a year older.. Not really looking forward to being a year older.. Feels weird knowing that I'll be older than my kor (if that makes sense)(nope nope it doesn't that's why it's weird &my brain just can't handle it)

Gonna be travelling to 3 places this December.
Penang.
Hong Kong.
Maldives.

Hope God will bring some revelation to me through these trips, and it won't be just a waste of time.

Also am not really looking forward to 3weeks later because..

well,
D-16.

I miss having my brother around. Having someone around for me to ask my ?? about my homework..


Am trying my best to study and absorb what I'm not good at. God help me.
And to all those out there, Eph 2:10 "For we are God's masterpiece, He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."
We are created for more than just caring about ourselves, more than just surviving in this world. Everything will be amazing, if you involve God :) #notetoself

Paris Baguette @ JEM

Naomi's guide to PB @ JEM... (yes I am this bored right now)

"Paris Baguette supplies European-style bakery products to our customers. The brand's philosophy focuses on offering the highest quality products with only the freshest ingredients and the best customer service." 
(http://www.jem.sg/feed.php?CategoryID=140&StoreID=367#sthash.ltTzHnaV.dpuf)

Paris Baguette JEM opened in June 2013. It's basically a bakery that originates from Korea and the way the whole shop is set up is quite similar to what is present there. I'll mention about a few stuffs and try to give a review(somewhat).. If i missed out anything I'll add it in another time :)

Layout
  
(www.nanyangchronicle.ntu.edu.sg, thedaintycandy.blogspot.com)

It's a really comfortable and chillax atmosphere there. Decorated really well, it's bright and cheery, the seats are SUPER COMFY, tables are rather small(for coffees, and cakes rather than meals) and of course there's the Korean background music.

So you start queuing from the right side, pick your sandwiches/salads, choose the breads/pastries that you want to have it there or take away, and continue queuing til the cakes section, choose the cakes that you want, move ahead, you'll see the puddings, grab your puddings, then pay at the cashier. If you are ordering anything on the menu that is positioned next to the sandwich area, you'll only be able to order it at the cashier.
If you don't understand how the whole thing works, you can also ask the crew there. They'll explain it to you accordingly.

Opinion: There's obviously not much seats so if you're there during peak hours, do take away instead.. If you'd like to try something from the menu I suggest going there from Monday-Wednesdays at 11am or 1-2pm. You can also try going from 8.30pm to 10pm as there's much lesser people. 
If you'd like to stay there for quite some time, do grab the seats that are inside. This way you won't have others standing around you waiting for you to leave because they want your seat!

Culture

(ooohh.. hardworking..)

PB is from Korea so the Korean-looking people in black are indeed Koreans. Not all of them speak fluent English and definitely not Singlish. A part of this ooh-overseas-exotic bakery is that you get to experience a bit of that Korean culture where PB came from. Some people, especially the older ones, do not know of this and get very offended when them black shirts can't seem to understand them or seem to be ignoring their requests. 
Most of the time, the black shirts would ask the local service crew for help in translating and stuff like that. So don't worry, the black shirts are actually real pleasant people. 

The bakers are also Koreans so wowww you're eating freshly baked bread and food from people all the way from Korea~ (ok most kpop fans gets excited at this) 

Service
If you don't already know, it's more of a self-service concept kinda cafe. The waiters and waitresses only serve things on the menu. PB doesn't ask for service charge. Seats are to be found by yourself (so if you're one of those who can't stand to wait or are used to the restaurant kind of service where you are assigned to your seats on a first come first serve basis, i suggest that you do take aways instead. Otherwise, visit PB JEM during non-peak hours or go to the one at WISMA.)

The service crew usually asks if you'd like to have the breads/cakes/puddings there or not. "Having here, take away?~" Well and you choose one. Don't worry about eating there and not finishing your food (because you may have been too excited and ordered too many) because you can always ask the service crew to help you pack whatever food you have left.

During peak hours when the queue seems to be going slow, service crews sometimes don't go according to the first come first serve basis. They will approach those who seem to have decided on which bread they want and take the customer's order instead. There's no point in who goes first because the queue is basically not moving... SO... Anyway during non-peak hours, the service crew may take order from customer 1 and jump to customer 2 because customer 1 i still deciding. I guess it's their way of being efficient??

Service at the bread/cakes/puddings/drinks may be fast or slow not only because of peak or non-peak hours, but it also depends on the number of crew that are available on that day. The least I've seen is like 4people serving maybe?...

Bread
I actually don't have a lot of pictures of the bread sold there...Maybe when I have the time I'll try to get all and describe every single one. I'll just talk about the popular ones and recommend my favs. 

Popular:
-UFO (a buttery biscuity UFO shaped bread that has custard in the middle)
-Bacon roll (a loaf of bread wrapped in bacon. there are cubed coiled eggs inside)
-Apple pastry (circular palm sized pastry that reminds one of a pizza. not as sweet as it looks.)
-Cheese half pan (half a loaf of bread that has cheese inside. this is good esp if its hot~)
-Seafood chowder (bread bowled seafood chowder. ask them to heat it up hot hot~)
-Korean Power Garlic Baguette (must try!)
-Hannam-Dong (sausage and beef wrapped in Taco/prata-like skin. eat this while hot too~)

My Favs:
-Soboro (traditional korean pastry. has like muachee-ish nuts on top.)
-Cheese half pan~~~
-Condensed milk cream bread (simple long stick of bread with cream inside. i like simple stuffs)
-Milky Almond Cubic (i hate almonds but there's no almond smell or taste in this. there's some nice not so sweet cream inside and i love the taste of the cream and the bread/pastry like thing)
-Softness white bread (slice it up, toast it, apply butter/any toppings you like. EAT YOUR HEART AWAYYY)
-This cream bread (topped with tiny pieces of bread remains(breaded cake??). bread like bun with cream inside!)



Puddings

 $4 per bottle for the original flavour, $4.50 for others.
So far I've tried original, chocolate, coffee, durian, mango and strawberry. Personally i love the original and like the coffee one. Chocolate's a bit sweet for me.
They usually have up to 3 flavours available to your selection. Then they would swap one flavour once every 3weeks maybe? If you're a fan of milky soft sweet puddings stuff then you'd probably really love this. Though i must admit the price is just too damn high!! 
They're really famous for their puddings so do try it~ (the bottles are also really cute. I have like 2 of them at home hurhur)


Cakes
Expensive. One slice is priced at about $6.50-$8. Moderately delicious for some flavours, others are really yummmm!~ (also depends on what you like)
-Oh my baby crepe (this is sooooo popular idk why but it's not that good)
-Oh my god chocolate 
-Crunch crunch coco (U LUVE CHOCOLATE U LUV THIS. it's not too sweet as a choc cake)
-Mango Napoleon thingy (THIS IS GD)
-Lemon tart?
-Earl grey cake
-Tiramisu cake
-i can't remember the others....(pics another time)

Drinks

Hello I'm Patbingsu. 팥빙수~

I'm not sure what's nice but i always order caramel macchiato...
Tried the patbingsu and it's nice! i like it cause it's milky with ice. i actually hate red bean but the above combi is really nice.



That's about all for today...
Severely lacking in pictures, but I hope this helps!

PS. I don't understand why the KPOP youngsters are not visiting this shop!! There are really cute Korean crews there......

안녕!

NEXT WEEK IS MY RECESS WEEK WOWWWW.

I have decided to do an actual real review on Paris Baguette's bread cakes and shizz after my papers this weekend.


Seriously, there are some angsty biased people out there posting about how PB is not good... When it's not true!! (some people obvs overdoing it)


Since I've tasted like every single bread and at least half of the cakes there...
I shall do some weirdo's food and 'service' review.
In my next post.

^^


(but srsly though. stop complaining that PB @ JEM has no space because that's what happens when you go there during peak hours. if you want big big big space go PB @ wismaaaaaa)

also try their red bean bingsu cause i don't like red bean and this is really nice.

 i actually ate red bean!

Dreamt about you and wished it was true...

:(

</3

WAE GE RE???
Don't. please

Sometimes i don't understand my heart til the emotions come so strongly and then leave suddenly.
Like a tsunami.
a;sldkfjasld;f
eoteohge na mulayo :( jinja
naega wonhaneun, hajiman nan su eobsseubnida

And do you know it's SO annoying when your parents are sometimes selfish and I can't do anything about it urgh.
Like just cause i'm using their resources to "give" to others. srsly it's not like whatever i'm using is gonna cost you anything. you small eyed people.

Do not be ruled by your emotions.

God gave us emotions, good or bad ones, for a reason. But when should we listen to what we feel? How do we discern?


HMMM.

Food for thought.


ANYWAYS.
Work has been amazing, currently working at Paris Baguette and basically 80% of the people there are koreans. Like the managers and the bakers and chefs. It's actually quite fun to try to figure out what they're trying to tell us but at the same time when we have some sort of 'emergency', it's quite difficult to tell them.

But that's why we have hands and feet and we can actionise our words!

The people there are fun too. Super friendly and can connect to them real well. Talk rubbish and laugh rubbish out hahahaa. BEST PART we get free bread when we do closing for the shop!! I also like to stare at the chefs baking and moulding their dough and ESPECIALLY the cake makers!! sigh, they can make such nice and beautiful cake i wanna learn how to make plssssss.

I will try to take pictures of the bread and post them up here and give free advertising because I'm a good employee.

EVERYONE COME JEM PARIS BAGUETTE BUY BREAD AND PASTRIES AND PUDDING WE HAVE NICE PEOPLE HERE <3 p="">

" To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."

-Federico Garcia Lorca, Blood Wedding and Yerma 

NTS

Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety. (Proverbs 29:25 NLT)

An Update

I NEED TO UPDATE.

This is a reminder to self to update because mabel still reads this.
ily<3 p="">

Thank you God

I've never really wanted to score As in uni life.(because basically when you've been through what i've been through, you realise that grades are not everything. i just rather spend time with people than spend it studying y'know.) When i entered uni, I just wanted to graduate with a degree(because only with a degree can you have much more choice of jobs).

But then my results last sem was just....
bad.(biggest silly mistake EVER in my life so far. hopefully no more.)

I guess God had a reason for things to happen. And he saw that i needed some help (hahah)
So he placed really awesome group mates around me this sem and i'm so so so so so soooo thankful!!

So thankful for my project results :)

#TYJ

Anyway i think i see things clearer now. i kind of like hands on building stuff and machines so maybe i'll go intern in some techy company heeheee.


AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR YEAR 3 FOR OVERSEAS EXCHANGE. I WANNA GO UK OR ITALY :D

It's probably time to grow up.

But it's sometimes so hard. I do wonder what drama is coming up next.

Does everyone experience such things? Or am I one of the few?

I am in no position to ask if this is fair or not. But I can't help but think I might have to go through more.

Now I know why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up.

Why You're Single

By Amanda Crude. From Thought Catalog.

"You’re single because you’re single. It’s not because you texted too much or too little or waited 33 minutes to respond because he took 23. It’s not because you met up with your ex that night at 5 a.m. that no one knows about, or because you kissed another boy after a date with a loser.

You’re not single because you spit food on that date or tripped coming out the the movie theatre. You’re not single because you hurt your first boyfriend really badly when you were 15 or because you have yet, to this day, to apologize. It’s not because you were secretly jealous when your friend got a boyfriend or that a guy you dated for two months now has a really cute girlfriend and looks really happy. And you’re happy for him. But still ill that he found someone before you.

You’re not single because you slept with your ex boyfriend. You’re not single because half the world found out when you didn’t even want to remember it yourself. You’re not single because you think the guy your friend wants to hook you up with is ugly or not tall enough. It’s not because you’re not willing to put up with someone who doesn’t brush their teeth on a regular basis.

You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.

You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now."

The next time some one asks me why I'm still single I'm gonna reply "I haven't made the connection with another heart yet or it happened and it wasn't meant to be. I've got another 5years."

My K day

The TV was on this korean channel(i've no idea what..) and they were showing a reality TV show. Basically, people who have issues with another party asks to be on the show so that their issue can be resolved. There will also be votes from the audience to say whether the issue is of a concern.

So this wifey came and told of her story. Her husband clubs every weekend until 4am, chats with random girls on and online chatting app, dresses nicely and puts on BB cream(does the whole take-care-of-face routine) to attract girls' attention and even taught his two sons(YES TWO SONS) to call him uncle when he brings them out. All of which only started after his marriage with wifey.

LIKE WHAT IN THE WORLD.
SIR, THIS IS NOT OKAY AT ALL.

It's quite upsetting that there are such immature guys out there who are SO insensitive! They are married for goodness sake. You know what's the worst thing? He was totally fine with what he was doing and thought it wasn't cheating. Because, i quote, "Cheating is only when there is skinship". Has he not heard of emotional cheating before...? Does he not know what he puts his wife through by behaving in this manner?

sigh

It's quite scary to think there are guys out there who would think this way. Why would they even want to marry in the first place then.

And the worst thing was after that the wifey couldn't control her emotions and was tearing and stuff. All this while she confessed that she was worried and couldn't sleep properly, always waking up every hour to see if her husband is back home. Also, she never tells the husband but sometimes she cries about it.

Lesson of the day: If you can't keep your promise to try your best to not make your significant other cry/ be hurt. Don't. Just don't even. 

(yeah yeah, what do i know right...don't judge leh)

i laughed

I HAVE A CONFESSION.
.
.
.
I HAVE SHORT ATTENTION SPAN AND CAN'T STUDY FOR MY BGS OMG GG BUT I DON'T LIKE BGS.


anyway i discovered something amazing this afternoon that gave me a good laugh.
MY PAST FB NOTES.
oh my god.






I was SO bhb.
And retarded HAHAHA.(and out of curiosity i checked my 09 blog posts... dahell i didn't understand what the 15yo me was writing. so incoherent and filled with ?? inner brain thoughts. read only my DEC posts cause ain't got enough time)

I found out a few things of the past about me:
1. Somehow my last message and call was always to chia yao de.... (you call me for what sia! what did we talk about??? xinping? trololol)
2. I used to call someone dearrrrr (LOL)
3. Someone was obsessed with my brown eyes. (hell yeah)
4. I used to write those notes thingy/30 things about me/answer these truthfully ALL the time cause i was bored. (but now there is youtube and function and tumblr..)
5. Sec 3/4 life was one of my fav everrrr.

Shall continue to dig up my past (and share it to jolyn and the WA group of how much a joke i was) after my last paper tomorrow.

Exams

First paper down. 2 more to go.
3 more days to party time.

#LEGGO.

that kind of hurt or sudden pain that can incapacitate you

stop you from doing what you're doing at the moment
forget what you were saying or thinking


and it takes so much to concentrate.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurst when you disapprove all doing
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
'Cuz you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

thought of the day

"When you’re vulnerable, your heart is wide open, you put your trust in somebody in the form of giving them the most precious thing you have – your heart.  When you’re vulnerable you leave yourself available to be hurt and people hurt people. So I guess somewhere along the way, whether I realized it or not, I made the decision that vulnerability was not for me. I told myself that to be vulnerable would mean to give up my strength and I did not want to give it up. My construction of strength almost defined me." - By KOVIE BIAKOLO

April fooling 4

Basically I didn't manage to record in photo or video but.... outlive 1 fooled kaixin!!!!


We were having dinner/supper at beauty world macs (as usual on a Monday night).

And weiyan was teaching tang how to create Skype.
And we saw kaixin online so we video Skyped her!

Ended up talking about how much she wants to come back and which airlines sell the cheapest tickets back.

So she checked Tiger and Scoot...
And then I told her.. "You try Lion Airways"

Then she fell for it she was like oh okay.

Weiyan then said "uhh I think quite cheap, you go check www.lionairways.com"

So she tried searching. And she seems to have somewhat found it, to our amazement and Sherry's controlled laughter.
But turned out was just some weird website so we told her to google it.

She went to some page that I think has all the airlines and she could choose what she wants. Then she was like "don't have leh"

Me, " why not you try to google zebra airlines la "


Her " huuuuh??? Eh y'all bluff me! "

Ahahahha hahahahah.
Kaixin ah kaixin. How to graduate.

April fooling 3

This one super obvious.
I wasn't gonna try too hard cause....
My mum dad aunt are pretty much like people who likes to worry for a living.

Any small thing can trigger the worry bug in them :O

So anyway, I tried my luck.
( I actually wanted to put it as "I've enough of all the stress I don't need all these shit. I'm withdrawing." )

AND one person fell for it.
姑姑....hahahahahha. I think if my mum/dad was checking fb at that time they would've fell for it too!
Aiya wasted.

April fooling 2

So sherry being sherry fell for this.... SHERRY AH
I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T..

Or maybe I'm just too good at this :)

April fooling 1

So this was actually somewhat kind of on April 2nd but I don't care it worked.

Ning believed it. (I think cause I tweeted "where can I buy one of these flop ear bunnies from") aha newb.

Actually took off the photo from xiaxue and her bunny and cropped it up.

The next morning my mum asked me
"Last time you say your friend wanna give you hamster, now say your friend wanna give you bunny. Why so many?"
In a very neutral tone(but I think she secretly wished I really brought home the bunny it's damn cute pls!!!)

Then lazily, in bed, I told her....
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!
While grinning hahahha.

She broke out into a sheepish smile also hahahahah.

The stupidest thing you can do is to intentionally hurt someone.

It sucks when you can't do anything to make things better

Hell week

I used to think that I'd never compromise my sleep(sleeping in on weekends, waking up naturally, without alarm) or meal consumption habits.

But then uni life began.

And I went through hell weeks in sem 1..
And now, sem 2.

It's 5pm and I haven't eaten my lunch. (Ain't nobody got time fo dat)

It's Good Friday and I've to wake up at 7.30am to go to school. Tomorrow is Saturday and I have 8.15am make up lesson.

But I guess it's still okay.
I've got all those who love me. And being able to make it into a local uni itself is somewhat good...right?

But if I don't get employed when I graduate I'm gonna rage so bad..

Quote of the season: Ain't nobody got time fo dat.

Parents like to correct their children. But when their child corrects them? What do they do? Come up with lots of excuses and not just say OK.

Seriously it's not like I'm telling you to go do some crazy batshit thing. All I'm saying is stop being so negative in your words. whats wrong with being encouraging?

(Edited because I feel less angst now)


And I know I'm making a big fuss but IT'S FREAKING WEEK 12 AND IM STRESSED ENOUGH and I can't take no more shit ok

And I don't expect anyone above 25 to understand or try to be nice but at least tone down the nagging for awhile.

Or maybe I should just

ASDFGHJLLAHAHA
Ok that was de-stressing

Love makes the world go round

So now let us learn to love like never before.


"In all honesty, we are only kidding ourselves when we say that we are “giving up on love.” Even if we could cut out every connection who cares for us, we would still be capable of feeling empathy, and desire, and compassion. To give up on love would be to give up on the sun, to give up on air, to give up on everything good about day-to-day life. You might delete your dating site account, you might say no to someone who asks you out on a Friday night, but you will still know what it looks like when someone wonderful comes into your life. Opportunities will come along and you will be only too happy to receive them, and that doesn’t make you needy or desperate. It makes you human, and capable of love, and very much worthy of having it in your life. "

-from thoughtcatalog.com

Love.yourself.
and then love the unlovable.

If only it's easy

Give me some time while I try to figure this out

saktan

the worst things in life come free to us

Really worried now :(

Ermagad guys.

Please don't do push ups on random exercising playground without a shirt on.

Maintain a bit can!!

Seriously, can't tank.

Woke up in the middle of the night from a dream.
Want to cry.

Why wasn't it real :(((((

i knew it was gonna happen.
yet i held on, to that last bit of hope.

Lol at those ah lian girls who walk pass and purposely smoke a puff while showing off.

You have no idea how gross you are to 7/10 people.

Like ew.

What i really really really want

Meet Dozer. LE DREAM DOG. WTS GERMAN SHEPHERD X HUSKY.

IS THIS WHAT HEAVEN IS LIKE?

FILLED W DOZER-S?!?!

Just look at this piece of thing that is art.

This work of art by God. 

Look at the eyes, it's the most specialest thing ever like half GS eyes half husky 

LIKE SO COOL OMG LEMME TOUCH YOU PLS.

i would literally give up all my bank account savings for this doggy :(

someone pretty please inform santa. or my mom. or dad. or like a generous donor.

i would forgo all my xmas presents from now on just for him :(

i would also literally slash myself and donate blood or whatever to get him :((

I WOULD EVEN EAT BITTER GOURD AND NUTS AND SLEEP EARLY FOR ONCE.

HE IS UP FOR ADOPTION FER GOODNESS SAKE :'((((

i don't want no car

i don't want no angpao money

i don't want no gucci prada or new bag

i don't want no louboutins

i don't want no new guitar or drums

i don't want no new big house

i don't want no new phone

ALL I WANT IS HIM :'<

slashwrist.stabsself.cryariver.drowns.repeat.

nobody understands me/this they think it's a big fat joke >:(

A levels

Is it weird that i have no idea how normal people would be feeling on the day that they receive their A Level results?

I mean i can't even remember how i was feeling.
i think it was like nothing. i was feeling nothing.
and i think i just wanted to get it over and done with and run away from all these people around me and just go home.

i vaguely remember entering the hall and Jacelyn spotted me and we hugged and she cried...(I DIDNT OK) and maybe like a few rows of people were staring but i didn't care.
and i asked her why she wasn't sitting with her class and feeling proud of her that she scored well.

Then i saw my class.
Sat down.
Awkward eye contact with Vanessa and QZ and me trying to act like everything is okay.

*proceeded to stone and zone out*
*casual remarks of "why is it taking so long"*
*turns around and look at other people in the hall*

The usual happened. Teacher comes up and talk. Principal went up and showed some results thingy.
Smart people went up.
Applause.
end.

Go line up and take your results yay.

Took my results. Don't know how to feel.
Went to pick-up area, waited for my cousin in law to pick me up and fetch me home.

Received many "That's really good and We're so proud of you" (but it's actually not very good righttttttttttttttttt)


ONE YEAR HAS PASSED.
and i know for sure one thing that is common.
i feel the nothing, the don't know what to feel, the don't know how to feel, the waiting for something, the-.

Les miserables.

Stargaze

Wanted to star gaze but... There's just loads of clouds.

So I guess I'll moon gaze then.


Finally had time to do this since its Recess week.

Do you know what I think about when I look up?

December Avenue

Don't forget about the things we did and often do

  Come into your mind and see that I am next to you



  Hear the voices that tell you there's someone who's over and watching 

you   

3 more days until its your birthday.
One year passed so quickly.

It seriously felt like it was just ytd...
When I brought home a cake to celebrate your bday.
When I bought you a book to try to lead you to God rather than wallow in your sadness.

When we thought everything was ok.


I'm not sure how to feel when I'm actually older than you.

Could it be worse?

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Do you..

it's hard to be strong
it's hard to hold on
what is right and what is wrong
which path?
will my heart move on

Gong Cha

Gongcha's Taro Milk Tea with pudding jelly! (50% sugar is enough, any more and you'll be tasting sugar instead of taro)

Really really really worth a try. I'm not a fan of anything yam-my so yeah. It's really not bad.

Me: uhhh can I have taro milk?
Gc cashier: yeah okay would you like any topping with that?
Me: what topping would be nice?
Gc cashier: well you can try pudding.
Me: okay pudding it is.


I like the friendly down to earth feel. Gombak branch btw.

i'm never believing any shit anyone says anymore.
not until they prove it with their actions.

sometimes i wish i would think with my brains more than i think with my heart.



it's stupid but i kinda like thinking with my heart.

A proper update

I think i will find time to blog about my NZ trip (finally maybe?) when Recess week comes. Hopefully i won't be as busy as i think i will be...(I'm not even sure if i have mid terms test omgomgomg)

I would prolly take forever cause i need to update w pictures, on the happenings of two weeks. wow.


side note: work is piling up... will probably not die down until week 12... le sigh

I also tried out for Bintan OCSP. The interview was today... I'm half hoping i can get in. Because i secretly am not sure if I am able to handle the additional amount of stress i'm gonna get. why i so noob.

i wished i was braver and had more guts.
i'm sorry i'm sucha wimp :(

Little Things

Slept with a big fat smile on my face :)

Appreciate the little things in life!

Growing up

Nobody gave me a manual for this.

it hurts :(

my heart literally sank

someday i'll be

sometimes i feel pathetic because i want a dog but i can't get a dog.

lol i should stop.


just like how i want *insert*, but i can't get *insert*.

"i'd sing for you just so i could hear you"

All I know is
I'm too happy
Right here right now

One of those nights where I feel like sleeping and waking up late tmr.

And then rolling around in bed the next day.
And getting up just to eat brunch and then after that I watch funny videos and dramas.

And just stay at home and do this for 3days.

Before I step out into the world again.



But.

A girl can only dream

You know how people always have a dream?
Like that one dream they really want to see it happen ever since they were young?

Mine used to be "Be a Zookeeper"(so i can take care of animals).
But then along the way i realised being a Zoo Keeper wasn't "good enough". So it changed to being a Vet. However, i wasn't that smart to be a doctor of any sorts. So now, it's just pet shop owner.

I want to have a dog, cat, rabbit, hamster.


I never understood why my parents would object to that. (they never give a good enough reason to explain either)

When i was young, i thought
"It's okay, they say i can't take care of it now, but when i'm older, I'll be able to."

Well, you know how adults are. Making all sorts of excuses and lying to kids. Cheating their feelings.
Previously it was "We're looking at bigger house, you can get one then."

Now, it's "No our house is small."
They're not even looking for a bigger house anymore. Why bother giving false hopes in the first place, then?
"You won't take care of it." "It's dirty"

This is how i see it.
Some people likes Chanel, some people likes cars, some likes shades and some likes guitars.
They receive something they like, they get real happy.
Different people, different interests.


I don't see how a 1.2k e guitar is very different from a dog.
1. They both make noise.
2. They make the owner happy.
3. They need to be taken care of.
4. You better spend time with it.
5. You need a space to place it.
6. They are expensive.
7. They really make you happy.

Okay, so maybe a dog is slightly different but they have their similarities!


If my kid wanted a chocolate bar a day because it made him happy i would've said no. because chocolates on the other hand, are actually unhealthy to my kid.
If my kid wanted a toy drum set, why not?


You know what makes me happy?
Good food, food that i like, my mum's cooking.
Finding penang food to eat and eating eat w my family.
Shopping for things/clothes and coming home NOT getting nagged at. (i DO NOT shop excessively okay. i don't even buy branded stuff like wt )
Travelling, being places that has a story to tell. Breath taking scenery.
Catching up with friends..
Fridays and Saturdays. GB, LG, church.
Green stuff.
Star gazing. The moon.
Rainbows.
Mc Donald's ice cream on a hot day.
Hugs.


Am i not simple enough?



At one point of time i thought y'all understood why i liked GB. And why i was going back to serve.
But no, i guess not.
It's a joy to serve.
It's some sort of direction.
I influence lives, i make an impact, i help.
I'm sorry you can't see that as something good, but I like it, so let me be.

Why do I still go back? "No need study one ah?"
I do and i will. But i'm someone who sees people so much more important than a piece of paper.
If anyone of you begs to differ, well, good luck to you and have fun with your life.


If you see me as someone who can't take care of myself, can't take care of my own things (just because of one or a few instances) and therefore can't help people, i can only say so be it.
You may think what you like of me, but i will not back down because i know who i am to Him.

My attitude may suck sometimes, but it doesn't mean it sucks all the time.
Just because i forgot about my charger does not mean i actually like  it/ am okay that i lost it.




zzz wasted so much time typing this out.
blah. at least i feel better now.




"Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try"

“Pay attention to where you are going because without meaning you might get nowhere.” 
― A.A. Milne

BIRTHDAY

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY YAY AND IDK WHAT TO DO TODAY BUT IT'S OK.
AND I'M JUST HAPPY CUZ I AM ALIVE N THAT MEANS GOD STILL WANTS ME TO DO SOMETHING OUT HERE.


KOR IS NOT HERE W ME THIS BIRTHDAY IT'S WEIRD BUT IT'S OK.
CUZ HE'S HAPPY UP THERE BEING A KID N PLAYING W JESUS.




HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF <3 p="p">

First memory of puking in my whole life...

Lets just say I don't ever wanna puke ever again.